Joe Louis eats a home cooked meal
Long thin noodles, tomato sauce, and lots of garlic. So simple yet so delicious. I was enjoying my dinner of vegetarian Shan noodles and a gin-based cocktail with Helen and Tom. We had seats upstairs at Inle Palace and it was fun to people watch and pretend we knew what was happening in the lives of passerbyers.
“I should really tell you, but I probably shouldn’t because then you’ll hate me afterwards” Helen managed to self-contradict through a mouth full of Western food.
Those words are always dangerous. First of all, the person can’t take them back and therefore must tell you the follow up story. Second, they are always followed by a pause, which even if short, is long enough for one’s imagination to think of thirty different scenarios of horror. Did she pee in my water bottle (like she did in the bedroom pot on the trek)? Did she steal money? Did she draw a penis on my face that was still there?
“You have to tell him. It’s only fair.” Tom backed me up.
“OK OK. I dreamt about you last night.”
“That’s fine, love. Girls around the world are frothing at the gash over me.” Travel with Brits long enough and you will inevitably adopt their amazing idiomatic style of speaking.
“No not quite like that. I was back home at my mum’s house and she was hosting a barbecue. Tom was there. My friends were there. Everyone was having a good time. We were all eating meat on a stick, when suddenly I realized that I was eating two human toes. Then I looked around and realized everyone was eating human body parts. I asked mum, ‘Where’s my friend?!’ I just knew we were eating you. She nonchalantly replied, ‘I killed him and cooked him.’ ‘WTF MUM! He’s a friend you can’t do that!’
Mum continued to explain in a matter of fact voice, ‘Well I took him the slaughterhouse and he tried to run but eventually he fell asleep. Then I cut off his head with garden shears and he bled to death.'”
OK let’s take a second to pause here. I have no reaction at this point. I am curious to see where it goes so I listen on silently.
“It was so crazy. I yelled at her cause the police were going to come. The weird thing is through it all I kept eating you because you tasted so good. Then I saw one one of my friends eating out of your skull like it was a mask. And that’s when the doorbell rang. I freaked trying to hide the remaining body parts because I was sure it was the police. But it was only my ex boyfriend. I told him to leave cause I had too much to deal with already. And that’s the end of the dream.”
Hmmmm. Maybe a drawing on my forehead would have been better.
“What do you think it means?” she asked of my Freudian expertise.
“It means I’m never visiting your family under any circumstances.”
“These malaria pills are really messing with me.”
“Sounds like it’s better than LSD.”
“Please don’t hate me.”
“I don’t. But I’m still gonna sleep with one eye open.”
I looked down at my bowl of noodles and ordered another drink. At least I tasted good.
Kalaw, Myanmar
Who dat?
Traveling with strangers can be tricky. You really need to trust your instinct on the other people. Women should be especially cautious. Go with your guy and make sure you are comfortable.
Know your role
If you travel with someone else, you are partners on the journey. Don’t act like a parent or sibling or expect anything more than a travel partner.
Fun fun fun
Enjoy the ride! If you aren’t having fun then something isn’t working. Feel free to go your own way. There’s no commitment like a spouse.
A borrower nor lender be
Be careful with money as it often leads to problems. Manage your own and try not to intermingle cash supplies unless need be.
